Death wishs & Death ways

Slit thy throat with thy sword

I've decided to work on the best way to begone from life. I found a very interesting website http://fringe.davesource.com/Fringe/Information/Suicide_FAQ.html apparently I'm not the only "Mad Man" out there, and that the road have been well traveled by so many different travelers before me.

I'll read the the list thoroughly and decide on the best methods and post them back here. If you're interested in the topic or have any ideas, please don't hesitate to reply back to me.

Edited like 1hr late:

Quite a disappointment, typical suicide methods but I liked how he listed the dosage of each drug and the certainty of RIP, no fancy ways thou, no sweet sleeping potions or joyful elixirs, only a true alchemist would would understand what I'm looking for.

At least now I know that slitting one's wrists will not work and probably just causes injury and that slitting throats needs to be done deeply and not superficial since the artery is protected at the back of something? (I'm not a doctor so I already forgot the anatomy, maybe I should consult a doctor?)

The idea of sky diving or scuba diving accidents are not bad, but too much trouble. Death by a thousand cut sounds interesting, I wonder why the author claims its originally Arabian would be fun to dig up its history.

For those of you who doesn't know about it, I'll paste it here from the website: 

"This is a modern variant of the Arabic 'Death of a thousand cuts'. Basically, jump onto a stack of unravelled razor wire, and roll around till you die.. it may help to connect a high- voltage, low current power supply to the wire, so that you have spasms, which should keep you getting cut even when you are unconscious. Also, you should make sure that you can't roll off the wire."

So I'll keep searching and will keep you guys updated with the coolest methods and which one of them I've decided on.

Edited on 29th of October:

The black moods still strikes, I'm set in my resolve I'm waiting for a specific action to start the count down of my life. I've decided on a 2 weeks notice period in this life.

I'll make a party at my house invite all my friends for a celebration feast, thank all of them in person, then I'll travel to upper Egypt to visit my father's family, say my good byes to them, then I'll return home and do it.

I'm still haven't decided upon the method but an OD of something sounds good and easy enough to do.

May the lord have mercy on my soul. 

Fortune, fame, mirror vain, gone insane but the memory remains....
 

Savatage - Believe

So after all these one night stands
You've ended up with heart in hand
A child alone
On your own
Retreating
Regretful for the things you're not
And all dreams you haven't got
Without a home
A heart of stone
Lies bleeding

And for all the roads you followed
And for all you did not find
And for all the things you had to leave behind

I am the way
I am the light
I am the dark inside the night
I hear your hopes
I feel your dreams
And in the dark
I hear your screams
Don't turn away
Just take my hand
And when you make your final stand
I'll be right there
I'll never leave
All I ask of you
Believe
Your childhood eyes were so intense
While bartering your innocence
For bits of string
Grown-up wings
You needed

But when you had to add them up
You found that they were not enough
To get you in
Pay for sins repeated

And for all the years you borrowed
And for all the tears you cried
And for all the fears you had to keep inside

I am the way
I am the light
I am the dark inside the night
I hear your hopes
I feel your dreams
And in the dark
I hear your screams
Don't turn away
Just take my hand
And when you make your final stand
I'll be right there
I'll never leave
And all I ask of you is
Believe

Its So Easy Not To Try

It's so easy not to try,
Let the world go drifting by.
If you never say hello,
You won't have to say goodbye.

It's so easy not to try,
Never stay around to cry,
Move along when troubles come,
Like a mindless butterfly. For what good is it to love
When the loving always ends?
Travel on the road that's straight,
Not the one with hills and bends. It's so easy not to try,
Let the world go drifting by.
If you never say hello,
You won't have to say goodbye.

Descend The Shades of Night

Sitting in the empty black
The last slivers of dusk have passed
Accept the dawn to ease the fear
One day I will not be here
Death she comes and with her thread
Upon me ties a mask for dead
Its tears of blood begin to seep
And bleed the sky

Descend the shades of night
Death shines her golden light
Across a blackened sky
All our hate is a product of our world...
We created

Ashen clouds obscure my brain
Doubts begin to turn to shame
Insecureness tears at bliss
I hate me for this weakness
Faith drives me to carry on
And take the road less travelled on
Resentment swallowed means to drown
The poison down
The shades of night descend

Descend the shades of night
Death shines her golden light
Across a blackened sky
All our hate is a product of our world...
We created

Scream with me
Bleed with me
Seethe with me
Sing with me

Free me
Free me
Free me

Descend the shades of night
Death shines her golden light
Across a blackened sky
The shades of night descend

Nothing is forever

Nothing is forever, nothing lasts forever. I'm again reminded of that ugly truth. Even true genuine friendship, what I've always considered to be the most holy religion on earth can't last forever.

I no longer see a point in anything or any value, we're bounded by our rules (religious or culture), by our visions and dreams, by our thoughts, by our morals. A wheel within a wheel, there is no place to run for or anyone who can help. Shall I just go and sit in a monstary or a cave?

If nothing lasts forever and nothing is constant, then what's the point in any anything? If the flesh rots, the spirit dies, and the heart changes, then why do we care or bother with life, if we're sure that in X number of years from now will  probably change our friends, our values, and our life; then what's the point in having any of those? why would you take or get something that you're sure you gonna mourn at its loss!

'How is it that immortals die, Tomas?'

Tomas did not look at his friend as he spoke. 'Nothing is forever, Pug'

Then he looked at Pug, who saw a strange light in his friend's eyes, as if Tomas were poised for battle. 'Nothing. Immortality, power, dominance, all are illusions. Don't you see? We are simply pawns in a game beyond our understanding'

Farewell

Farewell my friend, I will always treasure your memories and will always remember the joys we shared.

You and me

We used to be together

Everyday together always

I really feel

That I'm losing my best friend

I can't believe

This could be the end

It looks as though you're letting go

And if it's real

Well I don't want to know

Don't speak

I know just what you're saying

So please stop explaining

Don't tell me cause it hurts

Don't speak

I know what you're thinking

I don't need your reasons

Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories

Well, they can be inviting

But some are altogether

Mighty frightening

As we die, both you and I

With my head in my hands

I sit and cry

Don't speak

I know just what you're saying

So please stop explaining

Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)

Don't speak

I know what you're thinking

I don't need your reasons

Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending

I gotta stop pretending who we are...

You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak

I know just what you're saying

So please stop explaining

Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)

Don't speak

I know what you're thinking

I don't need your reasons

Don't tell me cause it hurts

Don't tell me cause it hurts!

I know what you're saying

So please stop explaining

Don't speak,

don't speak,

don't speak,

oh I know what you're thinking

And I don't need your reasons

I know you're good,

I know you're good,

I know you're real good

Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la

Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'

Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush

don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'

Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

Dead Winter Dead

What's this feeling of DREAD that I've got?

Am I really going to die? or am I losing myself, losing my identity losing the Refaat inside me?

I'm not sure what's going on or what's wrong, I just have this bad feeling about myself? is it my reckless driving? is it my core spirit that is changing and giving me this feeling? is it my decision of writing my death notes for all my friends and leave them for safe keeping with Haitham that enforces this feeling upon me? or is it my renewed and yet undecided belief in God that makes me feel mortal again?  I just can't stop thinking of what's wrong or what's going on.

Even my friends noticed that I'm changed and passed it off as one of my depressing moods. But this time is different, I know it is, I can feel that it is. I've often had pure feeling like this before and most of the time they're correct, I know when I'm in BETWEENESS and this time I can feel it at play.

I really don't know what to do, none will understand me none can phanthom what's going on inside my head. I've got alot of friends and most of them are trustworthy and intelligent and care about be, that I often consult them, but not this time I doubt even Haitham can understand me.

Dear Lord would you please lift this burden off my shoulders? can it really be done? can I be saved? I doubt it, seriously doubt it this time. I don't think there is anything that could be done, I'll try to finish my death notes ASAP and tell Haitham how he can access them.

"Have I erred?"

The hall echoed the words, for now it was vacant,

the servants having slipped away, Ashen-Shugar brooded

upon his throne. He spoke to shadows "Have i erred?"

Now you know doubt, answered the ever present voice.

"This strange strange quietness within, what is it?"

It is death approaching.

Ashen-Shugar closed his eyes. "I thought as much. So

few of my kind live beyond battle. It was a rare thing.

I am the last. Still I would like to fly Shuruga once more"

He is gone, dead ages past.

"But I flew him this morning"

It was a dream, as this is.

"Am I also mad?"

You are but a memory. This is but a dream.

"Then I will do what is planned. I accept the inevitable.

Another will come take my place."

So it has happened already, for I am the one who came,

and I have taken up your sword and put up your mantle,

your cause is now mine. I guard against those who would

plunder this world.

"Then am I content to die"